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How a Single Mom Is Approaching Dating as She Cares for Her Kids

Mackenzie Freeman

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Dating when you’re younger and without kids can already be a real challenge. Finding that special someone is no easy feat.

Sometimes, you can tell right away that there’s no spark there from the first date. On other occasions, you will only find out that you two are incompatible after you’ve been going out for a while.

Dating is complicated, to say the least. Now imagine how tougher it becomes when you’re a single mom with young kids to take care of at home.

For many single mothers, dating is simply off the table until their kids are older, but that doesn’t always have to be the case. Recently, one woman shared her story about how she has managed to strike a great balance between being a mother to her young kids while also looking for love.

In a post on ‘Little Things,’ single mom Sarah Bregel offered a bit of insight into what it’s like to date when you also have young kids to watch over.

Early on, Bregel says that she also questions whether or not she should hide her dating life from her kids. She talks about meeting other single mothers who work hard to keep their dating lives a secret from their children.

Bregel admits that she thinks about doing that too, but then, she recognizes that she probably wouldn’t get away with doing that anyway. According to Bregel, her 10-year-old daughter has a keen sense for when she’s being honest or not.

On one particular occasion, instead of keeping her plans a secret, Bregel openly admits to her daughter that the reason she is getting all dolled up is because she is about to go on a date. It’s a revelation that is met with disinterest by her daughter.

Bregel shares that there’s a routine of sorts that she has to follow after she comes home from her date. Usually, the routine involves her daughter asking questions about her date. Sometimes, her 5-year-old son has questions of his own. She answers honestly too, though of course, there are certain things she keeps to herself.

For those who may be curious about why Bregel has chosen to approach dating this way, she has some very sensible reasons.

First off, she says that she wants to avoid leading a kind of double life. As a single mother, she does not want to hide the fact that she dates from her children. Her kids don’t seem to mind that either.

Bregel also notes that part of the reason why she is open about dating and why she doesn’t want to hide it from her kids is because she doesn’t want to surprise them. Similar to many other people who are currently involved in the dating scene, Bregel wants to find someone she can eventually enter into a relationship with long-term. Because her kids are already aware that she’s dating, it won’t come as a shock if she does find her special someone sometime in the near future.

Lastly, Bregel believes that her dating life is not just her business, which makes a lot of sense when you think about it. If a new man does become a bigger part of her life, that will also affect her kids. Bregel insists that her kids deserve to know if something like that is about to happen and how that could change things for them.

The reality is that dating for single mothers will not always be easy. Oftentimes, simply finding someone who wants to go on a second date is difficult.

What Bregel’s experiences show though is that kids don’t have to be stumbling blocks to your dating life. It’s possible to continue seeking out love while also remaining honest with your kids and that’s an important lesson for many people out there.

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Life

When the Lesson Is Kindness

Leslie Tander

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As parents, we always worry about how well we are preparing our children for the world. Sometimes we are overly strict because we worry that if we’re not, our children won’t be able to deal with disappointment and responsibility as adults. As parents, we worry a lot about whether we are doing the right thing and making the right decisions for our children.

Hard Lessons

Brea Schmidt was at the carnival with her children one night. She already had her hands full, with her children being aged 5, 3 and 1, and she also works as a writer and photographer. 

That night her daughter was trying desperately to win a doll. She tried and tried, asking sweetly and politely for another dollar every time she lost. Finally, Brea said that they had to stop. She wasn’t trying to hurt her daughter’s feelings, but it was an exercise in frustration. She knew that you don’t always get what you want, and she was planning on discussing that with her poor child.

The Kindness of a Stranger

The 5-year-old girl was not being a gracious loser. Instead, she was sobbing, Probably already tired from her day having fun at the carnival, she couldn’t hide how sad she was that she hadn’t been able to win the cute little pink Princess Poppy doll. 

A stranger intervened at that point, wanting to help. Even though she couldn’t control the game of chance, she offered to make one more try to help the little girl win her prize. The lady told the little girl that she had a dollar and she was going to try to win for her.

She paid her dollar for the three tickets and sure enough opened a winning ticket. Immediately, she gave the child the prize. Even though she was exhausted, the child was elated from being able to have the doll she so treasured.

We Are A Community

Many people would object to having someone come up and interfere with a private moment, especially one so fraught with emotion. Brea Schmidt knew that some people might feel that way, but she looked at the lady’s gesture as an even better kind of lesson.

The lesson was simple kindness, and Brea’s daughter learned that night that she and her family weren’t alone in the world. When she was having a bad time, a total stranger came up and tried to make things better for her. She gave her own money just to make a stranger happy. And she was obviously glad to do it.

Open Hearts

When children are very young, they have trouble learning to share. Even those with brothers and sisters often feel threatened by the others, wanting their parents and playthings to themselves. Babies try to get all the attention and become more able to be generous as they get older.

Teaching our children to be so open and generous with their hearts is one of the hardest lessons. Brea’s little girl will never forget the kind stranger who gave her a lesson in kindness that night.

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Life

Turkey & Dressing With A Side of Hope and Happiness

Sherry Rucherman

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Do You Smell Pumpkin Pie?

If you live in Massachusetts or Rhode Island and happen to catch a whiff of holiday cheer while passing a slightly weathered station wagon, you’ve just encountered Ty and Vicky Shen.

This father and daughter team have become local heroes, especially around the holidays, since they began delivering hot, healthy meals across the state in 2001. They love the open road, but the real joy is in the reaction they receive from those they serve.

They’re not in this alone. The Shens are only one of the teams regularly volunteering with Community Servings, a Massachusetts non-profit food program which specializes in modified meals for families and individuals with specific medical restrictions or other needs, often due to severe or chronic illnesses. That means the Shens and other volunteers reach households often unserved by similar programs because their needs are so specific.

Of course, neither the Shens nor Community Services forget about the families and caregivers involved. Every spouse, in-law, nurse, and child receives their own hot holiday meal.

The extra time and effort is more than worth it, they assure us.

“Those who can help, should,” says Ty. “Regardless if it’s time or other resources, helping our fellow man is our responsibility.” Vicky seems to agree.

“Volunteering with my dad is one of my favorite things to do,” she says. “I get to spend time with him, and the people at Community Servings are so wonderful. Most importantly, it feels great to do something on a daily basis helps people’s lives be a little bit better.”

Bringing It Together

Food is more than an essential requirement for life. It often means security, and comfort. Sometimes it represents plenty, but even in humble circumstances it can facilitate a sense unity and thanks.

“One of the most important elements of the holidays this time of year is togetherness,” says a representative from Community Services. “Sharing a meal has been a demonstration of trust, intimacy, and togetherness over the centuries and across cultures.”

That togetherness doesn’t just start when meals are delivered; it’s part of the process from the very beginning. Community Services volunteers prepare each dish on site, paying careful attention to the different restrictions and dietary needs they’ll be serving that day. Teams like the Shens spend most of their time delivering, but they’re no strangers to peeling potatoes or chopping cabbage or even – in a pinch – stuffing a bird or two.

It’s an enormous undertaking each and every time, but what determines whether or not it’s enjoyable work is the people involved, and the mindset they bring to the task. And most of the time, that makes Community Services as much of a family as those they serve during the holidays and throughout the year.

“Each year, our volunteers give more than 55,000 hours of service, which is the equivalent to almost 30 full time employees,” says David Waters, CEO of Community Servings. “There’s no way we could do any of this without their passion and their commitment.”

That passion and commitment are quickly driving Community Services towards their eight millionth meal. That’s right – eight with six zeroes after it! But the Shens, like most of those involved, don’t think of it in terms of the millions, or even the thousands of meals prepared and delivered each day.

To them, it’s always about the next door opened. The next family served. The next face smiling in recognition and appreciation. It’s always about the one at a time.

And as long as it’s up to the Shens, it always will be.

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Life

From Foster Failure to Family

Lea Lomas

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Not everyone is lucky enough to get to choose their family. With adoption, people who feel as though there is a missing piece in their lives can fill that empty space with a loving relationship, building a family that will last forever. This is the true story of a foster family that got to make wishes come true by making their own forever family.

Struggles to Make a Family

Brandie and her husband John were foster parents, helping to fill the gap for children who needed a home at least on a temporary basis. They didn’t have children of their own, and in fact, had struggled with infertility issues in the past. Brandie had a miscarriage in 2005, which wasn’t as surprising because she was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) when she was still in high school. After the miscarriage, she went through the traumatic experience of experiencing cervical cancer.

Fertility treatments not only didn’t work, but they also caused additional health problems for Brandie. She and John looked into adoption, both international and domestic, but found that they simply couldn’t afford it. Knowing they had too much love to keep to themselves, Brandie and John decided to become foster families. They knew that even if the situation was only temporary, they could help children who needed homes and be grateful for the time they got to spend together.

First Steps

Brandie called the DCS hotline and asked what she needed to do to become a foster parent. That was in 2014, and five years later, she is still waiting for a return call.

However, in December of 2014, John’s aunt called and she was hysterical. Her grandson had been removed from his home and she needed to find a place for him to stay. Brandie and John had bought a house that year, and they were ready to take in a child. 

Foster Care Fast Track

Of course, Brandie and John said yes to John’s aunt, making it easy for them to be approved to become foster parents. They started out as kinship foster parents and were able to pick up the little boy on January 2, 2015. They knew that once he went home, they would already be set up as foster parents, ready to help someone else in need.

Brandie and John still had to jump through the regular hoops to become foster parents. They took classes and passed a criminal background check and went through a home study approval process. What made it even harder was that Child Protective Services was investigating them while they had a 6-month-old in the home for the first time, so they felt like they were constantly cleaning, caring for the baby, and going to important appointments.

Failure to Reunify

Brandie and John loved their foster child very much, but they were also fully aware that the goal of the child protection agency was to send him back home with his parents. Sadly, his parents never took the steps they needed to take in order to get him back. Their first foster placement ended up staying with Brandie and John.

Brandie says she respects the loss the parents had to go through in losing their child and wishes that their loss wasn’t a necessary part of her being his momma. After two years, the parents’ rights were terminated. There was an appeal, but once it was finalized, Brandie and John adopted their son in just six days.

Even though he ended up being in the foster care system for two-and-a-half years, it seemed fast at the end. Their families are supportive and they are getting ready to adopt their second foster child. Because they have always been honest and upfront, they are able to explain what is happening so their children can feel safe during the process. When asked how she feels about everything, Brandie says she loves being a momma and that anyone who wants to adopt needs to be patient — and thorough!

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