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When We Are Not Supposed to Teach Our Kids to Say “I’m Sorry”

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I have been the child forced to apologize. Except, I was an adult at the time. Although my actions were reasonable, a manager felt challenged and I had to apologize. That’s when I realized that I’d done this dozens of times to my kids. Thinking back, they always seemed angry. That day, I realized that no one should be forced into an apology. There are valid reasons that parents encourage their children to apologize. The goal is usually to bring a conflict to resolution quickly. Also, they often want to ensure that the child understands that it is not okay to hurt someone emotionally.

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So, there is a divide between honesty and virtue. Which lesson wins? Is there a way that both lessons can be communicated? I took a moment to conduct my own research by interviewing the 8-year old in the backseat. I noticed she was relaxed, watching the trees go by and figured it was a good time to pose the question.

Me: Mind if I ask a question?

Her: (Looking confused that I asked if I could ask) Sure!

Me: Okay, you know how sometimes you may have a fight, do something or say things and grown-ups make you apologize.

Her: Yes.

Me: How does that make you feel. (Looking up at her through the rearview mirror, it was interesting to see her light up as though she’d finally been given a change to unburden.)

Her: It makes me feel angry. Like, sometimes I don’t even want to say “I’m sorry” because I’m not. But I still say it because I don’t want to get in trouble.

Me: Well, sometimes don’t you think that you should apologize?

Her: Yes, sometimes. But not all of the time. And most of the time I don’t feel like I get a change to make my point. I don’t like it.

Me: Okay, I just wanted to know.

It was a great learning experience because it was right on par with a study in Psychology Today. In an April, 2016 article by Dr. Denise Cummins, she explains by age group when mandated versus spontaneous apologies are most effective. Mandated apologies can be very effective for younger children, she explains, to improve social interactions. For children beginning around 6-years old the apologies were less sincere and spontaneous apologies become more effective, but should still be encouraged so they learn to build good relationships. It is important, though, to hear them out to understand why they may not want to apologize. The may help you get them to the apology.

She recommends 3 basic steps for helping your child maintain good relationships:

  1. Encourage younger children to apologize so that hurt feelings are addressed and the relationship is preserved.

2.  With elementary aged children, consider whether the apology would be sincere so that there will be true impact in mending the relationship.

3.  Offer to make restitution, whether the hurt feelings were intentional.

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Take A Exclusive Tour of Oprah’s $90 Million Dollar Mansion!

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Oprah Winfrey is one of the biggest names in Hollywood history. Known primarily for her media empire, Oprah has still managed to keep her private life out of the public atmosphere. Despite her constant exposure to the media world, fans rarely get a chance to peek inside of the world that Oprah lives off of the cameras. Having said that, fans got a rare look into Oprah’s private world when her famous $90 Million mansion in Montecito was revealed to the world. If you are ready to see what it’s like to live as one of the biggest names in entertainment history, keep on reading!

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Grandchildren of Celebrities Who Will Make You Doubt If Success Runs In the Family

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Drew Barrymore

We kick off the list by delving into Drew Barrymore, a granddaughter to the famous John Barrymore. John was renowned for his superb acting abilities, and he premiered in movies, including a role as a debonair leading man as well as Shakespeare interpretations.

Just like her grandfather, Drew has emerged as an eminent actor. However, alcohol drinking habits crept into her as early as when she was 14 years old. Apparently, her grandfather died of health issues associated with alcoholism.

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Waitress Gets A Confusing Phone Call After Regular Customer Stops Showing Up

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There are many reasons why people go out to eat which range from not wanting to do dishes to the desire to try new food. Unfortunately, those who have spent time working as a waiter or a waitress will say that the job is far from easy. One of the most challenging parts of the job is taking care of customers who are grumpy. There was one waitress in particular at a Luby’s restaurant in Texas who was known for her friendly service and her kind demeanor, even in the face of less than polite customers. 

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Melina Salazar was working as a waitress at a restaurant called Luby’s. Located in Texas, she was known for her smile as well as her service. Furthermore, she also had a reputation for being the only server who was able to adequately take care of one regular.

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